I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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