Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
