lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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