I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
