I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
