LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Of course I have a pirate flag
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
