i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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