hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
