will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
