Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
