I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
