I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
