So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
