Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
