he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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