Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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