They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
