glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
