Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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