we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
