Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
