dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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