hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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