did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
