so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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