no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
