PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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