i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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