yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
