She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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