I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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