I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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