His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
