In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
