"it" just moved
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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