I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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