South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
