Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
