piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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