you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
