end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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