u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
