whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Vodka?
Forever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
