After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
