Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
