This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
