Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
