Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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