Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
