I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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