Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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