moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
