and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
